


know you're not alone

by idkshrug



Category: Love Victor (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, TW// Abusive Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:22:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26989714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idkshrug/pseuds/idkshrug
Summary: Benji Campbell was tired. He was tired of never feeling good enough, he was tired of his parents not being able to understand that this is who is his, and that’s okay. He was tired of Derek, and the way he would always speak down to Benji and make him feel lesser. He was tired of feeling completely alone all the time. Benji was just really damn tired.Something Benji could never get tired of though was the way Victor Salazar smiled. The way he laughed. The way his eyes would light up like they held the very core of the sun.-----------------A slight au where Victor came out to everyone the day after Mia wanted to take their relationship to the next level. Also, Derek is a dick.
Relationships: Benjamin "Benji" Campbell & Victor Salazar, Benjamin "Benji" Campbell/Derek (Love Victor), Benjamin "Benji" Campbell/Victor Salazar
Comments: 8
Kudos: 70





	1. Don't pay no mind to the demons they fill you with fear

**Author's Note:**

> there is emotional abuse in this fic and physical abuse, so please be careful if that might trigger you.

Benji Campbell was tired. He was tired of never feeling good enough, he was tired of his parents not being able to understand that this is who is his, and that’s okay. He was tired of Derek, and the way he would always speak down to Benji and make him feel lesser. He was tired of feeling completely alone all the time. Benji was just really damn tired.

Something Benji could never get tired of though was the way Victor Salazar smiled. The way he laughed. The way his eyes would light up like they held the very core of the sun.

Benji knew, in theory, that these thoughts were not thoughts that one should have about a boy who was not your boyfriend. Especially when said boy had just recently come out as gay. But Benji couldn't help it, and goddammit if he didn’t deserve one thing that made him happy to think about.

 _“No”_ Taunts a voice in Benji’s mind that sounds disturbingly like Derek’s. _“You don’t deserve it. What have you ever done to deserve something good?”_ The voice wasn’t Derek’s anymore. It was his own voice, his own insecurities. _“You will never be worthy of anything good.”_

Benji was used to this though. Used to his own head constantly reminding him that he would never be worthy of anything good, that he was cursed to love more than he would ever be loved in return because honestly, who would ever love him? Derek certainly doesn’t, as was reminded in the three text messages Benji had just gotten from his boyfriend.

_Can’t make it tn_  
_Last minute plans_  
_Ttyl_

Perfect. No explanation, no apology for flaking on the fourth date in the last three weeks. Hell, the last time Benji had seen Derek was at their disaster of an anniversary. But of course Derek had last-minute plans. Of course Benji could never be more important. Of course Benji could never be first, not even to his own boyfriend. Benji texts a quick ‘okay, talk later’ to Derek and throws his phone into the backseat of his car. He bangs his head against the steering wheel, tears welling up in his eyes. He lets them fall, doesn’t blink them away. It feels good, almost, and he starts to sob, his shoulders shaking, pathetic little whimpers coming out of his mouth.

A knock on the window startles him, and he jumps in his seat. He can see a face through the window, a worried face. He blinks his eyes a few times to clear them. It’s Victor, he realizes, and his heart beats a little faster with that realization.

Benji just kind of stays there staring at Victor through the window, until Victor moves to the other side of the car, opens the passenger door, and sits down.

“Benji, what's wrong?” Victor asks, and Benji breaks down again, because of course it's Victor who’s asking, who cares. It’s always Victor. “Hey, shhh, you’re okay.” Victor reaches over and puts his arms around Benji, pulls Benji close to his chest. This causes Benji to cry even harder, feeling ecstatic about being held and guilty all at once. Victor just continues to hold him, and rubs comforting circles on Benji’s back, whispering softly into his ear. “You’re okay, everything's okay, I got you.”

Finally, Benji’s hiccuping dies down and he can think straight again. Realizing the position he’s in, he flinches away from Victor, no matter how much his heart is telling him to stay in Victor's embrace and never leave. Benji sniffles one last time and wipes at his eyes.

“I’m sorry, about that,” Benji says.

“Don’t apologize,” Victor says, his face still lined with worry, and Benji just wishes it would light up with one of those soothing smiles Benji loves so much. “What’s going on Benji?”

Benji hesitates. “Umm, I-” Victor smiles reassuringly then, and Benji melts a little at that. “I want to break up with Derek,” he blurts out softly.

Victor’s eyes widen a little. “Oh, umm okay. Can I ask why?”

 _Because I think I’m in love with you_. This could be Benji’s chance. This could be his chance to finally do something to make himself happy.

_“You don’t deserve anything good.”_

“I just think it’s best for me,” Benji says, tears burning in the corner of his eyes again. _I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me. I wish you could hold me forever._ Victor smiles at him again, but something in his eyes flickers. Benji almost thinks it’s a concern, but he doesn't want to get his hopes up too high.

“Are you gonna be okay?” Victor asks his hand on the door handle. Benji nods, and Victor pulls him into one last warm, safe, secure hug. Benji inhales the smell of Victor one last time, again wanting nothing more than to just stay in these safe, safe arms. Instead, he releases Victor and smiles at him.

“Thanks, Vic,” he says.

“No problem,” Victor says, before opening the car door.

 _“You’re so annoying Benji, stop causing problems,”_ Victor could make the voices disappear. Victor's hugs could make Benji feel safe. Victor’s smiles could make Benji feel loved.

Benji was tired of the demons in his mind, was tired of being his own worst enemy. If Victor could care about Benji enough to hold him as he cried, Benji could do this. He was going to do this because he was tired of being tired. He didn’t want to feel alone anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first chapter!! there are two chapters after this one, and they're both pretty short. also, this came out angstier than i meant it to, woops.


	2. Trouble it might drag you down, if you get lost you can always be found

He had done it. He had broken up with Derek. It had been terrible, to say the least, but it’s fine.

It isn’t fine. Benji can’t go home, can’t face his parents like this. Not with a black eye and his shirt soaked through with vodka. Derek had been angry, and drunk, and it hadn’t gone well. It isn’t okay, and Benji doesn’t know what to do.

His breathing is becoming strained, and he has tears streaming down his face, so he lets himself sink down onto the closest park bench, positioning his head between his knees until he can breathe better. He’s okay, everything is okay. Nothing is okay.

A hand on his back has Benji jumping ten feet in the air, his heart hammering out of his chest. He squeezes his eyes tight. _Don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me. Please, Derek, don’t hurt me. I’m scared._

“Benji? Benji!” That’s Victor’s voice. That’s Victor’s hand, not Derek’s. Victor is here, Victor found him. That causes Benji to start laughing hysterically, because of fucking course it's Victor who found him. It’s always Victor. “Benji, what the hell is going on?” Victor’s voice is laced with worry and panic. Benji opens his eyes, and stops laughing.

“I broke up with Derek.”

“Did,” Victor looks scared and concerned, and he’s looking at Benji like he loves him and Benji wants to start crying all over again. “Did Derek do that to you?” Victor asks, his eyes trailing down Benji’s body, his wet t-shirt, his black eye, his tear tracks. “Oh, Benji…” Benji breaks down again, sobbing and shaking. Victor opens his arms and Benji falls into them, inhaling the smell of coffee and laundry detergent, reveling in the warmth that Victor's embrace gives.

“He was drunk,” Benji whimpers and Victor’s hold on Benji tightens. “He was drunk and I told him I wanted to break up and he threw his drink at me, and then punched me, and told me that I wasn’t worth any more trouble, and I can’t go home Victor, not like this.”

“Hey, shh, shh,” Victor starts to rock Benji, back and forth, holding him in his arms. “I got you, Benji, he can’t hurt you anymore. You broke up with him, he can’t hurt you, I got you.” Victor keeps whispering to Benji, keeps holding him until he’s not crying anymore until he feels like he can breathe normally. Even then Victor doesn’t let him go, keeps holding him close. Benji has never felt more comfortable than he has felt right here. His shirt is wet, his eye hurts, he’s sitting on a hard park bench, and he has never been more comfortable. That is entirely the fault of the boy in front of him, and the arms around him, and the voice in his ear.

“I think I’m in love with you Victor,” Benji says, his voice slightly muffled by Victor’s sweatshirt. It’s quiet for a minute, and Benji starts to freak out a little and starts to wonder if he did the wrong thing. Maybe he shouldn’t have said that maybe he is as unlovable as he thinks he is, maybe-

Victor’s hand is on his chin, lifting Benji’s face slightly, and lips are on lips and Benji can’t breathe, can’t think, because this is Victor, wonderful, intelligent, caring Victor, and he’s kissing Benji, he initiated a kiss with Benji. The kiss only lasts a few seconds before Benji pulls away. He rests his forehead against Victor’s, just stays there, until Victor speaks up.

“Come stay with me tonight. We can ice your black eye, and you can shower and get a new shirt, and then we can figure everything else out in the morning.”

“Okay,” Benji breathes. “Thank you.” Victor just answers him by placing another sweet kiss on Benji’s lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really, really hate Derek. that’s it, that's my note.


	3. Just know you’re not alone. I’m gonna make this place your home

Benji woke up this morning in a cold bed all by himself, dreading the day ahead. He goes to bed that night wearing Victor’s shirt with said boy next to him. 

“Thank you, for all of this,” Benji says, turning slightly to look at Victor. 

“You don’t have to thank me. You deserve having someone help you, and care for you, especially after everything you went through today,” Victor says, and Benji’s heart soars. 

“Besides,” Victor lowers his voice. “I kind of like you.” 

Benji giggles in a completely undignified way, blushing red. Victor kisses Benji’s neck, nuzzling his nose behind Benji’s ear. It tickles, and Benji holds back another loud giggle, trying to be quiet so as not to wake Victor’s mom, who has already been so nice in letting him stay with Victor for the night (with the promise that hands would stay to themselves and they would have a nice chat in the morning). Benji can hardly believe that this is his life right now. He can't believe that this beautiful boy likes him, cares about him. 

“I still can’t believe it,” Benji whispers, and Victor’s hand comes up to Benji’s back. 

“Hey, stop that,” Victor pulls Benji against him, much like he did when Benji broke down in his car. “You deserve the world B. You deserve to be loved.”  
  
“You’re the best person I’ve ever met Vic.”

Victor squeezes Benji and Benji places a kiss on Victor's head, smiling into his hair when Vic squeezes him again. 

“You’re okay though, right?” Victor asks after a few minutes of just cuddling, enjoying the warmth of their bodies wrapped around each other, placing gentle kisses to heads and cheeks, and sometimes lips.  
“  
Yeah, I am okay. Thanks to you,” Benji says, grinning up at the boy in his arms, who grins right back. 

Today, and so many days before that has been hard for Benji. But he knows that he really is okay. Because this morning when Benji woke up, he was completely alone. Now, he has Victor, and with Victor, he feels at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay!! happy ending :) this is the first time i’ve ever actually written fanfiction, so let me know your thoughts. i love these two fluff balls so much, i’m so pumped for season two to come out!!


End file.
